I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
