I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
