I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Couch. On fire.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
