Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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