I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
