Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
