One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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