my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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