The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
