Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
