yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
