I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
