i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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