these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
