Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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