I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
