i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
