Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
