I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
