All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
