before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
