People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
