I just pynch a tree in the face
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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