I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
