Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
