I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
