Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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