some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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