I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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