you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
