some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
