I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
