You're my little dorito
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
