I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The best revenge is premature balding
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
