so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
