Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
