Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
