do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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