U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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