I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
