Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
