i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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