Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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