are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
