you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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