how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
