What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
