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• (817): View more from Texas

  is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys

  (703): View more from Virginia

  That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.

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• (949): View more from California

  HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  My liver needs me to go back to work asap.

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• (518): View more from New York

  Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?

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