you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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