Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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