i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
